Adara Astin (@AdaraAstin@supervolcano.angryshark.eu)
supervolcano.angryshark.eu
A trend that I am not fond of in 2025 is this: I've seen men go from sending unsolicited nudes, to aggressively demanding nudes, to aggressively demanding not just nudes but specifying angles, shots and poses. Gentlemen (using the term generously), apparently this needs saying: You are not entitled to nude pictures of the bodies of all the women in the world. Especially women you've just met. Random women are not your personal porn stars. There is a whole internet full of free porn. Avail yourself of it to your heart's content. There are hard working people (of all genders) who have accounts on sites like OnlyFans who will be happy to provide you with the custom porn of your desires as a professional service for professional premium rates. If you want a professional service, pay a pro, and support indie content creators. On a related note, because this seems to need saying as well: "No" is a full sentence. Note: I am 100% sex positive. That's not what this is about at all. The issue here is egregious and growing male entitlement to consume women's bodies and sexuality as objects, and also our time and energy. This isn't an "incel" thing or a "Gen Z" thing: I see it from men of all ages, levels of experience, and for that matter political alignments. I'm speaking from (extensive) personal experience. I'm exhausted by men acting this way and my patience for it is nil. [If your experience is different, and I hope it is, then that's not what this post is about and you're welcome to discuss your own experiences on your own account.] Guys, if you want to make lasting connections with women, I swear it's as easy as treating us as if you saw us as fully human. On a positive note, men who consistently treat women decently, respect boundaries, and understand consent absolutely stand out. (There are a lot of you on Fedi, too.) Thank you for being the bright lights you are. #Sex #Sexuality #Dating #Consent

The interesting part here (and the part that matches my far less extreme experiences in the '90s) is that …

… this is not based on the politics or age of the people. Gross messages like this came from every kind of man: young, old, left, right, whatever. Add in the crowd that thinks “Asians are my fetish” is a fine thing to say in an introductory message and, well, this is why I bounced hard from the whole scene. I got tired of having to find my skin after it crawled completely off my body and hid in a shivering pile in some dark corner of my home.

  • Amuletta@lemmy.ca
    4·
    2 days ago

    I am kind of glad I did my dating before the internet was a thing. Not that creepy entitled men weren’t around in the 70s and 80s, but they didn’t have a village of creepy peers telling them this was okay.

    Back then there were personal ads in newspapers. Creepy entitled men provided us with quite a lot of entertainment at work in the break room, as we read those classified ads out loud for a laugh.

    • ZDL@lazysoci.alOP
      3·
      1 day ago

      Yeah, I did the bulk of my dating before the Internet was a thing and only saw the various “computer dating” sites when that started to be a thing and just went “yeah…nah!” I haven’t seen anything since to convince me to give them a try.

  • sparkles@piefed.zipEnglish
    8·
    2 days ago

    All the kind people I ever met were in real life/long term hobbies. I met and ended up dating one really sweet person from a MUD lol. Never dating sites. I can’t say I have any good stories from those. Happy for those who do.

    • ZDL@lazysoci.alOP
      5·
      2 days ago

      Exactly the same here. All my good relationships came from shared interests and activities that bloomed naturally.

      • sparkles@piefed.zipEnglish
        5·
        2 days ago

        Idk it just seems like there is something about the whole paradigm of swiping etc that feels like…dehumanizing and maybe that’s why people feel they can make those comments.

          • ZDL@lazysoci.alOP
            3·
            1 day ago

            I’ve had people say something not entirely dissimilar, albeit without the blatant gall, when I pointed out that “Asians are my fetish” was gross and racist. There’s a lot of DARVO out there.

    • Hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      6·
      2 days ago

      Hi, you probably didn’t see it, but this is a women’s only community. We appreciate the polite and respectful disclosure from the start. But please mind the rules and share elsewhere going forward. Thanks!