One time I bought avocado dip and as I was bringing it inside it slid off all the other stuff it was on and the container cracked so I had to find another larger container to put it in so it wouldn’t go bad
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9/11 happened when I was in an electronics store, so it was like 50 9/11s on all the TVs at once
comrade got to experience the 9/11 goon cave
Oh god.
That was one of al Qaeda’s headquarters
They were all desynced and hitting at different times too right?
I’ve only ever seen like two videos of it happening so you didn’t get multi-cam views either
one time this cute girl asked me for my number because she thought my outfit was cute. she literally just thought my outfit was cute she was not a lesbian
That is weird. Did she just want to borrow your clothes? I’ve heard just becoming friends is a very lesbian thing to do so even stranger again
nope! they weren’t really her style, she just thought they were cute!
Ah, she wanted you to be one of her fashionable friends like she’s the main character in a TV show and the supporting cast is people with different aesthetics
forgot my debit card when i went to the grocery store very embarrassing
Every person that lines up behind you and sees you’re ‘that guy’ is another 9/11 on top
The worst
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
11:55am - I remove my first moderately-successful homemade lemon meringue pie from the oven, excited to give it to my husband for his birthday.
I send him a picture. “I did it!! Happy Birthday!!”
12:02pm - I knock the pie off its cooling perch right into the fucking sink because I am multitasking and clumsy.
I send him a picture. “I did it!! Happy Birthday!!”
It wasn’t even the side with the disposal. I scraped the remnants out of the sink with my fingers.
Complete with photos and timestamps. I can’t wait for conspiracy YouTubers to debunk the ‘truth behind the lemon meringue pie’
How could a fresh out the oven meringue pie have that kind of consistency hmm? Are you telling me that at a 41.3 degree incline in the second picture it would slide off in to the sink at sufficient speed to wind up under the tray huh? Hoooo wee if you believe that have I got a bridge to smell you
spoiler
The pie looked really nice I’m sorry for your loss
My partner is a baker, this brought them to tears. I’m sorry for your loss.
I one time made pancakes for the family and my fucking brother poured like a quarter of the maple syrup bottle on his and I didn’t get as much syrup as I normally like.
My condolences
You have been through more than any IDF soldier.
My own personal nine eleven was when i was eating a lunchable at school and it was short by one cheese and so the last snack stack ratio was completely off. It ruined my week and i haven’t been the same since.
Too bad, if you’d have caught it early enough you could have salvaged it with a cracker-meat-cheese-meat-cracker stack.
You’ll be whole again one day. Healing is an ongoing process
One time I was carrying a case of soda across a road and the case broke and the cans of soda rolled away and there were cars waiting to turn as I scrambled to pick up leaking cans of soda and run them to the side of the road
Anything that’s a real world example of the shuttle run makes me feel joy
When Metallica killed Napster.
5 years ago I got blue balls and had to walk a mile to pick up burritos when it was below freezing
Writhing in pain in the bathroom of some mexican restaurant is probably the lowest point of my life
I got hit by a milkshake tonight, I wasn’t even the target.
Good thing it wasn’t one of those concrete milkshakes we were told to worry about
When my cat pooped on my bedroom floor on the morning of 9/11
Your cat warned you and you didn’t tell anyone?
I ate halva this morning and now my teeth hurt
I guess you’re halva’ing a bad time!
I break 30 of your bones in halv
I stubbed my toe on the coffee table.
God sends his greatest challenges to his strongest soldiers. Thank you for your service
When Vibram’s Five-Finger shoes stopped getting stocked in stores. I love trail running and those shoes are also comfy as fuck. Now I gotta order them online and hope they’re the perfect fit.
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