The Hexbar

I saw graffiti of an octopus but all its arms were cocks and it was labeled COCKTOPUS so probably that

Bottoms Up

Girl Dinner, and the logo is an opossum eating out of a trash can.

idc if scaring away anybody who isn’t my specific brand of disaster lesbian is a sound business idea, this just sounds too good to not do it.

Good Boys and it’s for blind gay men who can bring their guidedogs in

I’d make it caveman themed and call it Homo Erectus

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The Pound

pup gear or a fursuit mandatory

or you get given a collar on entry, and maybe a leash

i’m putting too much thought into this

if you donate £10,000 into my bank account, i pinky swear that i will open this in a disadvantaged neighbourhood (where i live) and not just spend it on enough mdma to kill a small village

Nobody said Trap House yet?

It’d be a gay bar the size of a warehouse called “Sam’s Chub” instead of “Sam’s Club” and you can carry out an oversized shopping cart of twinks.

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Formerly Chuck’s

The Hot House

And it’d be plant and greenhouse themed.

6pm-3am It’d be a shitty rave-nightclub at night with lots of blacklights and tall palms, trees, flowers and tropical plants that would glow under the blacklights (only aimed at the plants bc those things can burn your skin with long exposure). Lots of living walls in high-up spots (so the drunks and dancers don’t eat them or whatever). LGBTs only, straights get fed to the plants.

8am-2pm In the day time it’d be a pleasant sunday brunch spot (except every day would be Sunday) with lots of sunlight streaming in through the ceiling skylights and lots of pretty plants. We’d have tons of fun activities for the LGBTs who don’t like to drink and dance. LGBT only, straights get fed to the plants.

We would use it as a front to do crime. Lots of crime. So much fucking crime. Probably kidnap Commissioner Gordon while I’m at it.

The “Call Me Ishmael” (I am reading Moby Dick, which is not about moby’s dick but may turn out to be about dicks idk)

First Draft: It would have that weird lighting that turns everything greyscale, a fancy dress code, cold war era decor, and atomic bomb themed novelty cocktails.

Dr. Strangepub

or

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cock