This is gonna be a bit of a weird one, try to keep an open mind.
I went to a nudist resort with a couple friends a few times last year, it was a good time, we’re hoping to go back a few times this year once the weather warms up again.
It’s not a sexual thing, it’s just nice to hang out without pants, no laundry to do when you get home, etc. There are some swingers who frequent it, but they’re very respectful about it, they’ll ask if you’re “in the lifestyle” but if you’re not they don’t pressure you and let it drop. None of my friends involved in this story are swingers.
I’ve been kind of floating the idea to a few other friends I thought might be interested. It’s a mixed bag, some are open to it, others aren’t, not really surprising there, my own wife isn’t interested, and I get that it’s not everyone’s thing.
Two of the people I floated the idea to are a married couple. We’ll call them Will and Janet (not their real names.) Will wasn’t interested, but Janet was open to it.
The resort posted their event schedule for this year recently, so I’ve been talking with the friends I went with last year to figure out when we want to go. We narrowed it down to a couple events we’re interested in, and I’ve been letting my other friends who were interested know so we can figure out our plans.
Janet messages me back after I tell her what weekends we’re planning on. Said she asked Will and that he wasn’t comfortable with her going so she’s going to pass.
And that just kind of rubs me the wrong way. Every relationship has a different dynamic of course, but personally I have a hard time imagining telling my wife that “I’m not comfortable” with her doing something she wants to do unless it is something outright dangerous.
Little extra context, we’re all in our 30s, we’re all mutual friends, it wouldn’t be particularly unusual for any of us to go hang out with anyone else in this group. I’ve hung out with with just Janet before, we have spare keys to each other’s houses, and I’m pretty sure my mom regards them as basically extras of her own children, in short we’re all close and trust each other.
The other friends I went with last year are similarly close, a couple, we’ll call them Erin and Steve. Will’s actually known Erin longer than I have, and probably worth mentioning, went skinny dipping with her and some other friends once back in their teens or early 20s. They never dated or anything like that, she’s just kind of “one of the guys” the dudes there were gonna jump into a frozen creek naked so she joined them. And Steve is a very chill dude.
Will is also not a controlling guy. This is the first time I’ve ever heard anything like that from him (albeit second-hand through Janet) very much a live and let live kind of dude. He’s maybe a little prudish and old fashioned in his own tastes, but accepting that his tastes aren’t for everyone.
I’m not really planning on pushing the issue, for all I know Janet got cold feet and is using him as an excuse, and unless I see any other sign of him getting weird, I’m just gonna chalk it up to their relationship dynamic being different from my own. But I just kind of wanted to see if that rubs anyone else the wrong way.
Will already told you that wasn’t something he was interested in. Janet showed mild interest. She’d be up for it. But it wasn’t something that’s a priority for her.
So when you sent over the events and she talked to her husband about it. He could have easily expressed that he wasn’t comfortable with his wife walking around naked or having her walk around with other naked people. She doesn’t care about doing it enough that it’s worth making her husband uncomfortable.
It’s not about him telling her she can’t. It’s about each of them respecting each other enough not to do things that make each other uncomfortable. They are mature enough to have a conversation about things, express their emotions to each other, and value each other’s feelings.