TW, talk of abuse, sexual abuse and manipulation and of the sorts, forin the last paragraph, please skip it if you cannot stomach it.
hello, I wish to receive some advice, for I am a freshman in college and know nothing. :)) yall know a lot more than me and it is better than doing nothing. I trust yall extremely more than reddit or pretty much anywhere else.
for summary, currently I am trying to support can abuse victim, the abuse is ongoing (and it is really fucking bad, of course it is but I am just emphasizing), they are trans and person of color 16 years old, the abuser is a former friend of mine, 19, also trans person of color in college. the reason I mentioned they are both POC because, I am being recommended extremely to report this to college, which will involve the police in someway, I do not know the specifics, and for personal traumas and reasons aside in this area, I know it is generally an ass extreme to call or involve the police, and ESPECIALLY for POC + trans folks. Plus, the abused person’s family is also abusive, according to them I am one out of their only two friends. I just really do not want to fuck shit up and make everything go terribly wrong with the abused getting no help, get in danger because of me, and more. a friend I consider that knows a lot more than me thinks I am slightly unreasonable to not be reporting, but still, I would like to believe I am being reasonably cautious.
I would also love some advice in like, idk, just anything, how to support and talk with the victim, I am not telling them they should leave because I know it does not work like that and will mostly drive them away (I was also abused for majority of my life) but also be firm to affirm and reassure what they are going through is not okay and I am there for them. I also do not want to talk to their abuser in any circumstance, unless with someone else. idk! maybe I am being too vague, anyway I hope this post is allowed!
so in summary:
- do I notify school authorities? if I do, what’s the advice in wording things and whatever?
- how can I better support the abuse victim?
OKAY TW HERE!!!
spoiler
I think the nature and the actions within this abusive relationship is also really important to mention if I am asking for advice, GAHH I am so bad at sharing information. please take care of yourself and go on reading cautiously and slowly I guess! So this 16 years old is being sexually assaulted, triggered into age regression and then sexually assaulted, gaslighted into thinking they like the abuse, idk a bunch of other things it is entirely fucked up. a part of them knows it is wrong and tries to protect and take as much abuse as possible, a part of them is kinda “brainwashed” and think it is just unconventional love and they deserve it. they said they are also in love with their abuser.:::
I have never been to the US, so I have no idea whether it is good to contact authorities. I hope someone else will answer that question.
I am happy for your friend that they have you to support them. I think the fact that you are there for them and that you listen to them is very important and helpful, especially the listening part. You need to focus on making your friend feel save.
In addition, I think this situation requires also some professional help. It sounds very serious and complex and not something the both of you can just solve by yourselves. I think an important thing you can do for your friend is to get them to a therapist or other professional who can treat them and find a way out of this situation. It is the same as when you break a leg or something like that. In a situation with physical trauma, you need a friend to support you and help you deal with it. But you also need a doctor to fix it. It is the same with psychological trauma. So, please get your friend professional help.
thank you! very good idea. Thank you I really appreciate it
No problem. I hope it will work out for you and your friend. It might be difficult, but it is possible to heal from almost anything with the right help and a space to feel safe.