Please don’t ask why I need this.
It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.
It has to be something I can easily find.
EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:
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I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
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I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
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I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
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I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
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Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
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If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.
Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.
I was worried that lemmy wouldn’t reach the pinnacle of quality to match reddit, and then this post came along to soothe those fears. Good luck on your no poop quest.
This is the perfect comment, I laughed so hard
enjoy your sex trip and I wish you happy bottoming! if you’re not going to be doing too much physical labor during this time I recommend going full bottom mode: the week ahead of it start eating very lightly, initially a high fiber diet with added psyllium husk or metamucil. your body might be different but mine would say no dairy during this time. for the day before or even two, switch to a meatless and somewhat low fiber diet - ramen noodles is a classic, cookies, soup, other carbs. before you leave for the trip, clean out with an enema bulb (or store bought enemas if your ass is bougie or inexperienced). the combination of low fiber and low food throughput should keep you from having to poop and whatever poop is still in your tract will get largely removed by the enema.
while you’re out at your fuck-tent, consume most of your calories from simple carbs as much as your body will handle so as to give your microbiome less to work with - applesauce is kinda nice, fruit snacks, white bread. eat like a twink!
remember to stay hydrated!! I know you’re not trying to pee either but it’s important to hydrate even if it means suffering whatever penalty your dom is giving you when you ask to be let out to pee
while you’re out at your fuck-tent
I’m dead holy shit 🤣
This guy kinks
the real LPT is always in the comments
Gimping: A Primer
lmaooooo
eat like a twink!
Is this why they call it the BRAT diet?
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This is the way
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OP doesn’t want his crush knowing that he poops. Simple as.
In 10 years, people are going to say “I joined Lemmy before the 3 days without pooping post”
This could be our Jolly Rancher
After the self induced constipation, they’ll need the poop knife for sure.
Either that, or it’ll turn into a poop sword
I just hope OP doesn’t break both arms while they’re out doing… whatever it is they’re going to be doing.
Waves hand, our three envelopes.
Please refresh me on the jolly rancher story.
No. Trust me, it’s in your best interests.
😂
This sounds like the beginning of great tifu post
I came to Lemmy as a substitute for Reddit, and I’m impressed at how little time it took to reach the high-quality posts that Reddit was known for.
It’s not just OPs strange and mysterious predicament that has made this thread epic, but also the genuine efforts of some of us to help OP in the midst of wild, off the wall, guessing.
And then there’s the misplaced reply that ended up in the perfect place.
And I’m glad to have seen it first hand.
High quality shit posts
This, by definition, is not a shit post.
It’s a not-shit post.
Your comment made me put down my phone and laugh out loud until someone came and checked that I was alright.
☝️🤓☝️
Update because I still get one or two comments in my inbox daily asking me about this thing.
Yes, I did succeed.
No, I’m not telling anyone what all of this was about.
I got constipated after the thing was over and made a post asking for help.
The promised picture of my porcelain throne:
You’re a lemmy legend.
Lemgend.
You said you’d let us know after what it was about! What a copout!
``Are you by chance trapped in a submarine near the Titanic?
Aw crap we are going to need silly lemmy awards soon.
Please keep the awards this way
It all went downhill when they introduced actual silver. Probably earlier, but that’s when the monetization spam started.
This hit me in the nostalgia
you definitely have something here and should get in touch with the devs !
So you are going to wear some kind of pants that you can’t take off easily for 3 days. Maybe some kind of medieval armor, or a fursuit.
Gatorade has tons of calories because of the sugar, and it will leave nothing to poop out. It will give you the critical electrolytes (plants crave them) that you’re missing from food. Take a multivitamin too.
But it doesn’t have enough calories, and you need stuff to go in your stomach so you don’t suffer being empty on your temporary Gatorade diet. eat white bread. Your body metabolizes almost all of it, so there’s almost nothing to poop out.
You will need to poop out all your poop before doing this, so good hydration and veggies beforehand will clean you out. No need for laxatives, just switch to your new and stupid diet 36 hours before you need to stop pooping.
Good luck on your medieval battle reënactment or orgy.
If I could give this comment an award, I would.
You can say “nice dick” you know, it counts.
Nice cock bro.
Good luck on your medieval battle reënactment or orgy.
Could be both at once.
This is so fucking funny. It keeps reappearing in my all feed every day and reminding me.
frrrrrr
OP, you misunderstand the “no shitposts on lemmy” guideline, that’s not what it means
Boom tish! Lovely work
Taking bets:
- Participating in a competitive event where bathroom breaks are minimal or non-existent, such as a long-distance, multi-day gaming or eSports tournament.
- Attending a religious or spiritual retreat where fasting or avoiding certain bodily functions is part of the practices or rituals.
- Engaging in a survival challenge or a bet where the person has to limit food intake and avoid defecating for a certain period of time.
- Undergoing a specific medical procedure or test that requires limiting food intake and avoiding bowel movements for a few days.
- Participating in a scientific experiment or study where they have to control their diet and bowel movements.
- Partaking in a performance art piece or protest where he’s limiting his bodily functions as part of the statement.
- Attending an event (like a music festival or convention) where bathroom facilities are notoriously unclean or inconvenient, and they want to avoid using them as much as possible.
- Embarking on a long journey where bathroom facilities may not be readily available or convenient, such as a cross-country road trip or sailing expedition.
- Participating in a reality TV show or film production where bathroom breaks are limited or inconvenient.
- Engaging in a personal challenge or self-imposed discipline practice related to endurance or minimalism.
Okay I’ll give in a tiny bit only because this barely narrows it down: one of them is ridiculously close to what is actually the case. Like, I’m actually doing the thing you mentioned in the point, just your reasoning is wrong.
P.S.: The actual reasoning is borderline impossible for anyone to guess so just stop trying guys.
P.P.S.: I’ve decided that if someone actually manages to guess it, I’m gonna confirm it.
Just for readability, these are the options with reasoning:
- Attending an event (festivalor convention)
- Long journey, such as a cross-country trip (probably this one, as OP mentioned walking+travelling by train)
- Reality TV Show / film
He’s probably out on the Hajj, they travel to some of the key points by train. The bathroom facilities are not ideal and that’s why he is asking for ways to trim down his poop times.
But he said that he’d make the whole trip twice and that he’d be able to poop the second time
As part of the hajj, the entire community travels to various points in and around the city. One of the points that’s only for a few days is in Mina, which is basically a tent city outside the official boundaries of the city of Makkah. When they are in the tent (it’s a fancy tent, air conditioned but with zero privacy with 20 other guys), the bathrooms there are communal, which in turn are not the cleanest in the world. Most of them are the eastern squatty potty style. Let’s just say not going there for a poop seems very tempting. The counter to it is, most of the food there is free, and it is really good… So it’s a very delicate balance to say the least.
This is all speculation on my part, given the timing of it. For all we know it could be some weird kinky camping thing the guy is into!
Damn, I thought you were just an Amazon employee.
One of those scenarios + poop shy around S/O, S/O family, or friends is my guess.
Edit: also, cheese, lots of cheese.
Edit2: is this the new “found a safe”?
Why would he not want to say the reason though? If that was the case, the OP could just say he is a shy pooper. Instead we now suspect that this is some kind of orgy with a fetish.
You can poop in the shipping container dude, what are the people shoulder to shoulder to you going to do? Leave?
My guess is that OP is going to be in a circus performance (which explains the large tent with air conditioning). As to the reason they don’t want to poop, it might be because:
- their costume(s) are difficult to remove
- there is something about the bathroom that they find creepy/unsettling
- they have an STD or other infection in that area of their body and don’t want to risk having anyone find out unexpectedly, or don’t want to risk spreading it to others via the toilet seat (gonna be real idk if thats even a thing but it feels like it could be)
- they hold some kind of superstition about pooping during the initial travel period, or about entering the bathroom, or something that is in the bathroom
- they have to get to the bathroom by passing an area and/or person that they dislike and/or feel uncomfortable around
- they take notoriously large shits and don’t want to clog the toilet
- they just have really bad poop anxiety
Anyway, best of luck to you OP. Hope whatever you’re doing works out and that you stay as safe as you can. Update us when you come back!
I’ve replied to quite a few people and I’m going to bed now.
I’ll edit the posts with updates when my poopless journey ends. Either when the three-day poopless period is over (28th June) or when the whole thing is over (30 June/1 July).
Wish me luck.
This is the first post on lemmy I’ve bookmarked, congrats
Godspeed op. May your cheeks remain pristine.
Do we have remind me set up yet?
Shine on, you crazy diamond.
Remember: No vid, no did
(but seriously good luck and please don’t hurt/injure yourself my friend. Godspeed!)
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This is one of those threads that’s going go be legendary is it? Like the eating their own foot on early Reddit
I’m honestly pretty sure I’ve read this on reddit and it’s a repost. Trying to remember which sub I read it on. This is not the first time in the past few weeks that I’ve read a person mysteriously trying to avoid pooping for a few days.
That’s a weird early Lemmy comment on my part.
Poop is always popular. Poop is universal. Poop is fun. We all poop. Poop is guaranteed engagement. While I don’t mind a poop post here and there, I sure hope we won’t bring all of those obviously fake posts from Reddit over here.
