I would say part of being truly efficient in any role is being able to do the role efficiently even in less than ideal situations or with less than ideal coworkers.
In my personal experience significantly more people think they don’t react emotionally than actually don’t react emotionally so it’s better to support each other than trying to inefficiently turn into machine together.
Got it. I would say respect is good but don’t come off as too un-emotional since that might signal this isn’t important for you. Showing you’re upset at the situation is not a bad thing as long as you keep it in check and don’t go off on a 10+ minute rant. A seasoned manager is used to people offloading emotionally on them so they won’t take it personally (but they’re also human so too much will stress them which you want to avoid). Some managers even go to the point of classifying the different kinds/phases of emotional offloading: https://randsinrepose.com/archives/the-update-the-vent-and-the-disaster/
Potentially if the project isn’t being known about for you then it’s also probably not know about for your manager so you both look like you didn’t achieve much. Given the economic climate they’re probably worried about a layoff as well and having a report that isn’t making them look good isn’t optimal. In most companies the perception of what you do matters significantly more than what you actually do and it’s even more the case for managers.
One final comment is that you probably need to build up trust with your manager. They probably don’t trust you and you probably don’t trust them on a personal level. In theory that’s part of their job but they’re the ones in power so in the end it benefits you more. One advice I heard which does in fact come off as ass kissing but is probably very beneficial in reality is to acknowledge in 1-on-1s to them the good things they did. “Hey manager, I really appreciate you giving such a thorough review of the project” or “Hey manager, thank you for pushing back so strongly on that request.” Short and specific then move on.
I have little insight but reading that it sounds like you’re weak in terms of project management and communication around projects. If people don’t know you finished a project or why the project was valuable then that is a weakness on both those counts. It also doesn’t seem like you understand how or why you’re seen as weak in those areas.
One feedback I have had with a report was actually similar. I (and my boss) expect someone that senior to be able to be dropped onto a new project, and either get it delivered or escalate direct asks. Status updates should be concise and asks should be actionable. Not “the project is <insert issues here>, can you <insert points about sitting in a bunch of project meetings>” but “the project is <insert issues here>, can you <insert specific next action here> and make a decision on <insert specific points here>.”
In my opinion this is a difference in personal preferences
As someone external to me it sounds like the message is “the company/team wants a culture of directness/bluntness versus consensus to speed up decision making. Your approach is not aligned with the culture so change it.” It may also mean that while consensus with others is good the communication to your manager/skip needs to be more direct and actionable (see previous example).
I agree overall but it also depends. In this economic climate with layoffs common backstabbing is not the worst short term strategy. OP would essentially be using their accumulated political capitol to make it more likely that their manager gets the ax versus them.
The skip is most likely doing a calculation of how much OP is worth versus how much the Manager is worth to the organization. Showing too much respect means the calculation is less likely to go in OP’s favor since even OP seems to see Manager in a mostly positive light.
In my sad experience, you don’t but simply try to avoid getting caught in the blast radius of it failing. Someone approved/supported the project and someone approved/supported the sunk cost that already went into it. Those people have more power than you and they will not like looking bad due to you.