Pretty good. Main critique I would make is that it seems a tad unfocused. There is a consistent train of thought for the point you are actually making, but the point you are pretending to make is unfocused.
For instance, in the “One may argue… …but at what cost?” part, you don’t really make it super clear what the cost is. Or make a consistent argument before and after that makes it super clear what the cost is. The straight reading of this has the author say a lot about why no free speech is bad, but they don’t really say why free speech is good.
If both your satirical voice and your straight voice are focused the essay reads a lot easier, takes less effort to understand.
The author of the book was very religious and the intended message was supposed to be about the god thing. He tried to imagine a somewhat realistic way that the problems he saw with where science was heading would surface, and of course just ended up imagining a problem caused by capitalism, because almost every problem is caused by capitalism.