RadioMartinaise [none/use name]

YOU - “Kim, I know the alphabet now.”

KIM KITSURAGI - “Good. I also know the alphabet.”

INLAND EMPIRE - After life, death. After death, life again.

ONE DAY I WILL RETURN TO YOUR SIDE - The fuel oil catches fire immediately with an ominous hiss – a bright orange flash across the surface of the letters. Black smoke rises from the burning message.

INLAND EMPIRE - What if the words are not directed at the people of Martinaise, or even the Coalition aerostatics above the city – they’re meant for something above even those…

YOU - “I’m so fucking normal right now.”

YOU - “Okay, I’ll ask – who are the Semenese?”

MEASUREHEAD - “THE SOUTH ISLAND RACE, HAPLOGROUP A4A. WE ARE THE RIGHTFUL MASTERS OF THE INSULINDIAN ARCHIPELAGO. WE DESCEND FROM THE AREOPAGITES OF ANCIENT PERIKARNASSIS AND ARRIVED HERE 4000 YEARS AGO. MILLENNIA BEFORE YOU.”

MEASUREHEAD - “WE ARE THE FUTURE. THAT IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.”

YOU - “So you were born and raised on the islands, before you moved to Revachol?”

MEASUREHEAD - “I AM A DESCENDANT. THE NARROW STREETS OF ULUNBUIR ARE WITH ME IN MY GENETIC DREAMS, I SEE YOUNG SEMENESE WOMEN WALK INTO THE GREY MASS ON ILE DU FANTÔME, WAITING ON IMMACULATE CONCEPTION FROM THE PALE.”

YOU - “So… you did not come from the islands?”

MEASUREHEAD - “NO.” He cranes his head. “I HAVE HEARD ABOUT IT. ON THE RADIO.”

Moralists don’t really have beliefs. Sometimes they stumble on one, like on a child’s toy left on the carpet. The toy must be put away immediately. And the child reprimanded. Centrism isn’t change – not even incremental change. It is control. Over yourself and the world. Exercise it. Look up at the sky, at the dark shapes of Coalition airships hanging there. Ask yourself: is there something sinister in moralism? And then answer: no. God is in his heaven. Everything is normal on Earth.

MEASUREHEAD - “YOUR BODY BETRAYS YOUR removed.”

MEASUREHEAD’S BABE - “Yeah, Measurehead, his body totally betrays his removed,” the young woman at the giant’s side agrees.

YOU - “And what about the liberals? Are they liberals, too?”

STEBAN, THE STUDENT COMMUNIST - “Of course not. The only people who actually call themselves liberals are mouth-foaming reactionaries.”

ECHO MAKER - “Basically indistinguishable from fascists. You’d need an x-ray machine to tell the difference.”

COALITION WARSHIP ARCHER - “You must understand, when we speak of contingency spreads, we are talking about the most fantastically complex data visualisations human beings are capable of producing, with thousands of events – from elections and wars to natural disasters or scientific miracles – and millions of possible outcomes.”

COALITION WARSHIP ARCHER - “It may be the case that, under certain scenarios, Revachol is vitally important, as it was during the Coalition landings in '08. It may also be the case in many other equally plausible scenarios that Revachol is simply another once-great city, like countless others throughout history.”

REACTION SPEED - Did she… just admit that the Coalition invading Revachol was one of those ‘contingencies’?

YOU - “Are you saying the Coalition invasion was one of these ‘contingencies’?”

COALITION WARSHIP ARCHER - “No – well, not quite. The Moralintern never intends to violate another nation’s sovereignty. That would be a serious violation of international law…”

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - “What we saw was a sight to behold. A beat up police carriage, containing you. Right there on the beach. You revved the engine and screamed at the top of your lungs…”

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - “‘THE TIME HATH COME.’”

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - “So, naturally, being the curious cat I am, I asked what time hath come, to which you replied…”

IDIOT DOOM SPIRAL - “THE TIME HATH COME FOR TEQUILA SUNSET. THE END OF ALL THINGS.”

LEOPARD-PATTERNED BODYSUIT - This is a men’s size L leopard-patterned unitard with short sleeves. There are bits of seaweed stuck to it. It speaks to the animal inside you.

YOU - What should I… do with it?! (Continue.)

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - There’s only one thing left to do – see how it fits.

COMPOSURE - Just know that once the leotard goes on, it never comes off. You will change, irrevocably.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - But don’t you want to feel different? It can be a secret that only you know.

YOU - “You should invest in a youth centre.”

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - “A youth centre, huh? What kind of youth centre?”

CONCEPTUALIZATION - Come on. Tell him what he wants to hear.

YOU - “One dedicated to instilling liberal economic values in children from low-net-worth families.”

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - “Brilliant! Without children who’ll be there to buy stuff in the future?”

YOU - “Yes. And if it doesn’t work out, we can always re-purpose the centre as a shopping mall or private equity firm.”

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - “When life closes a door, it opens a window, yes? What’s the expected return on this?”

YOU - “Highly educated, work-ready, human capital ready to be directed toward any number of your vast interests.”

MEGA RICH LIGHT-BENDING GUY - “Very impressive. You’ve got a natural eye for unusual investment opportunities.”

LA FUMÉE, VOL. 1 NO. 4 - According to the SRV’s Ministry of Information, the programme has been a tremendous success. Public support stands at 87%, and youth obesity and alcoholism rates are down 12% and 7% respectively.

LOGIC - This is the SRV we’re talking about. If you think those are the real numbers there’s probably a guy who wants to sell you a bridge in La Cherte.