I just sent that to everyone I know without explanation.

They did rebrand him as “sooty Pete”, a white dude with soot on his face (black patches instead of full blackface). At least a lot of people do that. But obviously you still get a lot of people clinging doggedly to their racism tradition.

I have Dutch friends who were legitimately terrified that Zwarte Piet would kidnap them and take them to Spain.

I’m Brian and so’s my wife

It’s a highly contagious energy.

The maps wrong. In northern Norway (marked in lavender) the terms Bibliotek and Girjerádju are both used depending on whether you’re speaking Norwegian or one of the Sami languages. Despite being indigenous to the region Sami is spoken by a minority and the map should be striped red and lavender. Or if you’re going by indigenous languages then you need to extend the lavender portion down through northern Sweden to Luleå and in Norway down to Trondheim.

I remain tempted but stoic

By stuff you mean animated GIFs of big breasted horse hung transgender anthropomorphic lions being violated by giant alien tentacles, right?

Just say porn

True. We are a garbage species.

How will the aliens know that it isn’t worth contacting us?

You Malaysian?

Called football everywhere except north America where you use the term football for the game you play with your hands…

The imperial system and the US customary system are different for volume and weight

Also, the metric system is french.

Fine. I’ll bite.

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Well ain’t that some shit.

Ok so british fast food is definitely very heavy on meat pies and chips (although I should point out that there’s a lot of crossover with south Asian fast food and there are other fast food standards like baked potatoes and various sandwiches). And where the confusion lies is that Brits only really eat British fast food or foreign restaurant food because why would you go to a restaurant to eat the same food you make at home? But there’s a whole load of really nice food that just never gets sold in the restaurants. It’s definitely British cuisine. British Christmas food is heavily spiced full of dried fruit and marinated in rum or brandy (rum is better), There are few deserts that can measure up to a well made apple crumble or sticky toffee pudding, and haggis is such a satisfying dish that it’s inspired poetry.

Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face, Great Chieftain o’ the Puddin-race! Aboon them a’ ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm: Weel are ye wordy of a grace As lang ‘s my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill, Your hurdies like a distant hill, Your pin wad help to mend a mill In time o’ need, While thro’ your pores the dews distil Like amber bead.

His knife see Rustic-labour dight, An’ cut ye up wi’ ready slight, Trenching your gushing entrails bright, Like onie ditch; And then, O what a glorious sight, Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an’ strive: Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive, Till a’ their weel-swall’d kytes belyve Are bent like drums; Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive, Bethankit hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout, Or olio that wad staw a sow, Or fricassee wad mak her spew Wi’ perfect sconner, Looks down wi’ sneering, scornfu’ view On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash, As feckless as a wither’d rash, His spindle shank a guid whip-lash, His nieve a nit; Thro’ bluidy flood or field to dash, O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed, The trembling earth resounds his tread, Clap in his walie nieve a blade, He’ll make it whissle; An’ legs, an’ arms, an’ heads will sned, Like taps o’ thrissle.

Ye Pow’rs wha mak mankind your care, And dish them out their bill o’ fare, Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware That jaups in luggies; But, if ye wish her gratefu’ prayer, Gie her a Haggis!

Oh they’ll know when the left get involved!

Oh but I’m struggling to much to maintain a social life and have visitors.

I only ask because it’s the same colour as espresso crema, which would definitely affect the flavour.

Never mind that. WTF have they decorated it with. You’re not supposed to add shit to Guinness.