Edit: A lot of people seem to hate on the article without reading it.
Here is a supporting scientific source, by the same author: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666188825000863
The environmental impact of our online habits is far larger than most realize, and as digital communication continues to evolve, we must consider its long-term consequences on the environment and human life. We should take the easy steps of cutting wasteful energy use in our communications and it can start with eliminating email signatures.
With the utmost respect, appreciation, and sincere best wishes for a truly incredible day,
[Your Full Name, Including Middle Name, Nickname, or Any Honorifics]
[Your Official Job Title, with Certifications, Degrees, and Accolades]
[Your Company Name, Including Any Official Slogan or Motto]
📧 Email: [your.email@example.com]
☎ Work Phone: [Your Work Phone Number]
📱 Mobile: [Your Mobile Number]
📠 Fax: [Your Fax Number (even if nobody uses fax anymore)]
🏢 Office Address: [Your Full Office Address, Including Building Name, Floor, and Suite Number]
🌐 Website: [Your Company or Personal Website URL]
Professional & Social Media Profiles:
🔹 LinkedIn: [Your LinkedIn Profile URL]
🔹 Twitter/X: [Your Twitter/X Handle]
🔹 Instagram: [Your Instagram Handle]
🔹 Facebook: [Your Facebook Profile or Business Page]
🔹 GitHub/Portfolio: [Your GitHub or Portfolio Website]
🔹 YouTube Channel: [Link to Your Channel, Even if It’s Just Cat Videos]
🔹 TikTok: [Because Why Not?]
🔹 Reddit: [If You Want People to Know You Lurk There]
About Me:
💼 Years of Experience: [Your Number of Years] in [Your Industry or Field]
🏆 Awards & Achievements: [List Any Noteworthy Accomplishments]
📜 Certifications & Credentials: [List Any Professional Certifications, Degrees, or Licenses]
📚 Favorite Quote: “[Insert Inspirational Quote That May or May Not Be Relevant to Your Work]”
Company Information & Mission Statement:
At [Your Company], we are committed to providing unparalleled excellence in [Your Industry], ensuring quality, innovation, and customer satisfaction. Our mission is to redefine industry standards by embracing cutting-edge technology, ethical business practices, and a relentless pursuit of success.
🌍 Company Values:
✔ Integrity | ✔ Innovation | ✔ Collaboration | ✔ Customer-Centric Excellence
🏆 Recent Company Achievements:
Availability & Business Hours:
📅 Standard Business Hours:
Monday – Friday: 8:00 AM – 6:00 PM (Your Time Zone)
Saturday – Sunday: Available by Appointment or Chance
⌚ Response Time:
I generally respond within [X] hours, unless I am trapped in a meeting, fighting Wi-Fi demons, or taking a much-needed coffee break.
Fun Facts & Personal Tidbits:
☕ Coffee Intake Per Day: [Ridiculous Number of Cups]
🎸 Hobbies: [Playing Guitar, Skydiving, Collecting Weird Socks—Whatever Fits You]
🐶 Pets: [Your Pet’s Name & Type] (Yes, they probably appear in Zoom calls.)
🛸 Conspiracy Theory I Secretly Believe: [Aliens Exist? The Moon Landing Was Filmed in a Studio?]
Legal & Compliance Notices:
⚠ Confidentiality Notice:
This email and any attachments may contain privileged, confidential, or top-secret information. If you are not the intended recipient, please delete it immediately, notify the sender, and pretend you never saw it. Unauthorized review, use, disclosure, or distribution is strictly prohibited.
💸 No Liability Disclaimer:
Nothing in this email constitutes legally binding agreements, financial advice, medical advice, or life coaching. Read at your own risk.
📢 Opinions Expressed Disclaimer:
All views and opinions expressed in this email are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer, my colleagues, or my pet goldfish, Gerald.
🖨 Printing Disclaimer:
Think before you print! Save trees. Save ink. Save the planet. Unless, of course, you are printing this as a work of art.
Motivational Section (Because Why Not?)
🚀 Daily Reminder: You are capable, brilliant, and unstoppable! Chase your dreams, break barriers, and make a positive impact.
🔥 Final Thought:
“In a world where you can be anything, be kind. But also be someone who gets their email signature noticed.”
Final Closing Statement (For Dramatic Effect):
If you made it this far, congratulations! You have officially read the longest, most excessive email signature in existence. Feel free to copy, share, and modify, but remember—with great signature power comes great responsibility.
You left out the quote of the day!
I like you. Also, never email me.
And as the cherry on top: there are are not even pronouns in there.
Oof. I might be going to Gre’Thor for that one.
You forgot my favourite one!
“My working hours are not your working hours, feel free to reply when you have the time” or however else it goes…
I like it. I might use it for real.
The amount of people you just killed… /s
Some may die, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.
Ooh … there’s going to be a lot of fun had with this… I wonder if you can use blink tags and animated gifs … strictly for educational purposes … I’ll be right back …
I am in awe at the horrors of your genius.
I just discovered another missing attribute from my signature:
It’s important to acknowledge your primary audience.
Might have to consider some
Oscargeneric awards ceremony worthy credits before long, mind you, finding the name of the obstetrician who birthed me is going to be a challenge.I also noticed a distinct lack of family genealogy in your signature, if it wasn’t for our primordial ooze ancestors, neither of us would be here today.
This is going to require “some” research.
Hmm … I wonder if embedded YouTube iframes work … purely for bandwidth testing purposes of course.
Boss: “Your emails seem a little terse lately. Is everything okay?”
Me: “Yeah, it’s just that IT put a limit on email sizes to protect bandwidth.”
Boss: “Yes, but it’s 25MB and 60,000 words.”
Me: “I know, right?! That leaves me with like 10 words.”
For the lack multiple upvotes, here’s a “silver” coin.
As someone who remembers the days before reddit silver, you have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you.
The paper was right. I read that and I’m dying right now.
The study neglected the impacts of cringe.
Do you even know how many people you just killed?