So, I have friends that, in this capitalist world, they are forced to often be very busy and have little time to socialize with me. Although sometimes, I wonder if it’s because they secretly hate me. But yet, at the same time, when they do message back, they always apologize to me for not messaging back, and they never have anything bad to say about me.
Often, I fear that, every time someone says they don’t hate me, they are actually lying. I for one, can’t see why they are so fond of me, and I can’t think of any positive things to say about myself. I am boring. I am going into accounting, and I have Autism. My special interest is in Fairy Tale Retellings and making them better than that of Disney.
My friends never seem to have a bad thing to say about me, and yet, they are so busy that, if they do have a lover, or other friends, I am often seeming to be on the backburner, or at least that’s what it feels like.
So thus, I am forced to go often weeks without talking to another human being, where I am too shy to make any kind of conversation with anyone. I often spend my days talking to myself, having theoretical conversations with myself and my several imaginary friends. To pretend that someone would be fond of me, unless my online friends actually are fond of myself.
Either way, the gist of is… is that I seem to be suffering from the void of capitalism, it’s uncaring, heartless nature, and that it seems to be consuming the free time of my online friends.
So what do you think? Could they secretly hate me, or is my mind starting to finally crack from being lonely, friendless and loveless my entire life (I am 24 and had no friends until last year)?
I’d say probably not. People really do get really busy, and they are almost never thinking about me when they do something that affects me as much as I am thinking about it.
That said, it’s possible that it would be helpful to try and branch out, maybe to a local reading group or something given your stated interests, something to pick up the slack a bit you know. It’s probably not good for you to have no human contact for days on end.
The sad thing is that sometimes even people who like you, or who you like, become more distant due to life changes that none of us can entirely control. You don’t have to take it personally, but most of us have to find ways to keep making new friends over time, because sometimes people can’t stay in your life even if they really want to.
Best of luck with the whole situation though.