I think I’d be a Hired Goon. A bit more specific in purpose to Hired Thug but not so committed to be a Henchman.
I’ve been told I have the rare blend of expendable and invulnerable that makes me the perfect henchman.
The perpetually annoyed kind of guy that is inexplicably still trusted and getting sent to do things despite clearly not caring about the mission at all.
That role annoys me so much every time lol
It’s interesting what media/genre different people are just assuming they’re in.
Doomsday device engineer.
What’s the device gonna be? Will it work?
A giant methane production machine. We are going to fart the earth to death!
Clumsy/airheaded underling who spills drinks and gets bullied for being bad at my job until the hero shows up and I’m like, “Wait! I know how to escape the deathtrap! They made me clean it out every day!” OR clumsy/airheaded mini-boss where nobody understands why the villain puts up with me until the hero shows up and I kick their ass.
The mini-boss that just becomes a regular minion in later levels.
Skeleton or Predicatable Charging Attack?
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filing your nails while the FBI SWAT team sweeps the entire office building and finds nothing incriminating
I’m the incompetent grifter who’s got some business behind the boss’s back. It always goes wrong, but it fools the protags into thinking I’m the main guy for a bit.
I work a dead-end, boring job at the front company. I have no idea there’s anything behind the front company. Because I’m oblivious to what is going on, I accidentally provide essential help to the hero in infiltrating the organization. At the end of the movie, I have a very funny line like “Gee, I guess I’ll have to find a new job now.” Nobody in the audience laughs.
Um, excuse me, sir? Is it really a good idea to attack the Rebel Alliance with just this battle station? Shouldn’t we gather a full complement of escort craft for the attack?
Excuse me, sir? If we want to prevent them from escaping, why ‘disable’ the hard drive on their ship? Why not just take the ship, or put a bunch of our guys guarding it?
Sir? Excuse me, but with the ongoing war, should we really be guarding the energy shield base with one squad at the door? Why not do regular sweeps of the forest nearby with all of our manpower?
Elite contempt.
They don’t want to just win, they want to win and show just how much disgust they have for the good guys. Moreover they don’t need to try to win, they think they simply deserve to win based on how morally and technically superior they are. And sadly, IRL it happens all too often. They’re right, they win and rub the loser’s nose in it on the way out. They then go home and feel like a million bucks and the corporate media writes fawning stories about how great they are.
The only reason Tarkin lost was because it was a work of fiction.
Voice of Reason Underling is a legit career path. Weirdly safe as long as you keep the tone dry as well, Villains only kill subordinates for talking back if they don’t make a dry enough delivery.
Hired goons?
I actually kinda look like this guy.
Evil Zookeeper
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It’s cause you zookeep for a bad guy. It’s professional evil.
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ACAB doesn’t apply to Henching because they oppose cops.
I’m the guy that gets a big, overwhelming promotion when an earlier henchman fucks up and the boss kills him for it
You are in command now… Admiral Piett!
“Am I still hourly or is that like…a salary thing?”
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One of the bridge-bunny’s who’s job it is to read things on a screen and occasionally turn to BBEG and blurt out something vapid like ‘They’ve infiltrated the poison swamp!’ or ‘Our power levels have dwindled to 50%!’
Also, definitely the guy to be shot by an enraged villain immediately after telling them something they didn’t like.
The Sailor Waddle Dee who works for Meta Knight, in other words.
When the villain murders a henchman for not being good enough at their job, my job would be the one to carry the corpse away so that the subordinate rapidly promoted to fill their shoes doesn’t trip over it.
I moonlight as the henchman who puts ammoboxes and medicine in convent places.
Stagehand Henchman
