Sure, a majority of men are respectful. But when it’s a game of odds of being verbally berated or worse for declining some random guys advances I would sure as fuck not trust a random man coming up to me either.
I wonder if how bad they are at come ons is actually a factor. A normal guy approaching in a socially acceptable fashion actually gets some yes and eventually goes off the market temporarily or permanently whereas psycho joe presumably is always offending always failing.
But then you expect a terrible reaction from every guy. As you say, it’s a game of odds. I am sure that there are bad guys out there, but expecting every guy to be bad, or preparing for everyone to be bad, is just as discriminating as men expecting all women to be willing to date them.
It’s not expecting a terrible reaction from everyone, just acknowledging that there’s a slim chance of life-ending consequences. It’s not discriminatory against vehicles to avoid tailgating because of a one in ten thousand chance that they’ll brake too suddenly for you to react and you’ll crash, so it’s not reasonable to demand women to be happy putting themselves in a situation where they’ve got a comparable chance of getting stabbed by a nutter.
It’s by no means all men’s fault that there are nutters who’ll stab women for rejecting them, but they are real, and are much more common than women who’ll stab men for rejecting them (not least because of women being less likely to hit on men they don’t know in the first place). The problem makes the world worse for everyone, but denying it or saying we should pretend it’s not real because it would be sexist still leaves women with a disproportionate and quantifiable actual risk of death, which is a much worse consequence than having to only hit on women in environments they feel safe.
Its just often that you find what you expect and meeting strangers expecting or rather fearing that you’ll get stabbed may often lead to other social complications.
Normal situation awareness is very good to have and acknowledging that there are risks in any actions is the best approach to any interaction.
The question is how much weight you add to them. Tailgating is risky yes. So is driving, flying, traveling to foreign countries, changing career, investing money.
My point is not to ignore the risks, but to not let the fear dictate expectations. You are probably right about chances of a guy stabbing a woman are higher than a woman stabbing a man, due to rejection. But what are the chances of being stabbed altogether? People get rejected all the time. Most get sad. Some get angry. Some maybe very angry. But fearing for ones life because of it feels a bit overrated
The risks to driving, flying, etc. aren’t actively hunting you out. Nor are they trying to trick you into thinking they aren’t a risk. There’s a difference.
It’s like riding a motorcycle. Most people are reasonably careful, look before they change lanes, keep a decent following distance so they can react in time, aren’t looking at their phone, etc. But even when it’s a small minority of drivers that aren’t paying attention, you still have to treat everyone as potentially one of those, because one of those can fucking end you, and you can’t tell the difference until it’s too late.
Sure, a majority of men are respectful. But when it’s a game of odds of being verbally berated or worse for declining some random guys advances I would sure as fuck not trust a random man coming up to me either.
I wonder if how bad they are at come ons is actually a factor. A normal guy approaching in a socially acceptable fashion actually gets some yes and eventually goes off the market temporarily or permanently whereas psycho joe presumably is always offending always failing.
But then you expect a terrible reaction from every guy. As you say, it’s a game of odds. I am sure that there are bad guys out there, but expecting every guy to be bad, or preparing for everyone to be bad, is just as discriminating as men expecting all women to be willing to date them.
It’s not expecting a terrible reaction from everyone, just acknowledging that there’s a slim chance of life-ending consequences. It’s not discriminatory against vehicles to avoid tailgating because of a one in ten thousand chance that they’ll brake too suddenly for you to react and you’ll crash, so it’s not reasonable to demand women to be happy putting themselves in a situation where they’ve got a comparable chance of getting stabbed by a nutter.
It’s by no means all men’s fault that there are nutters who’ll stab women for rejecting them, but they are real, and are much more common than women who’ll stab men for rejecting them (not least because of women being less likely to hit on men they don’t know in the first place). The problem makes the world worse for everyone, but denying it or saying we should pretend it’s not real because it would be sexist still leaves women with a disproportionate and quantifiable actual risk of death, which is a much worse consequence than having to only hit on women in environments they feel safe.
“denying it or saying we should pretend it’s not real”
Good thing nobody here has said to do that.
There are a whole lot of people here telling women they are overreacting. How is that different?
I understand and agree to some point.
Its just often that you find what you expect and meeting strangers expecting or rather fearing that you’ll get stabbed may often lead to other social complications.
Normal situation awareness is very good to have and acknowledging that there are risks in any actions is the best approach to any interaction.
The question is how much weight you add to them. Tailgating is risky yes. So is driving, flying, traveling to foreign countries, changing career, investing money.
My point is not to ignore the risks, but to not let the fear dictate expectations. You are probably right about chances of a guy stabbing a woman are higher than a woman stabbing a man, due to rejection. But what are the chances of being stabbed altogether? People get rejected all the time. Most get sad. Some get angry. Some maybe very angry. But fearing for ones life because of it feels a bit overrated
The risks to driving, flying, etc. aren’t actively hunting you out. Nor are they trying to trick you into thinking they aren’t a risk. There’s a difference.
Maybe if men treated other men like they do women, they’d start getting more afraid of the other men.
Fuck no we’d be less afraid.
I think ill leave this discussion now
It’s like riding a motorcycle. Most people are reasonably careful, look before they change lanes, keep a decent following distance so they can react in time, aren’t looking at their phone, etc. But even when it’s a small minority of drivers that aren’t paying attention, you still have to treat everyone as potentially one of those, because one of those can fucking end you, and you can’t tell the difference until it’s too late.
This is a pretty strong analogy that sort of makes sense! Thanks!