I’ve tried the serenity prayer without god and I’m reading the subtle art of not giving a f*ck, but it’s not enough. The book is good though.
There are still moments when people really piss me off and while I’d like that not to affect me, my first instinct is still to feel anger and to hate the jackass making my life or work difficult. Sometimes I’d like to punch him in the face.
It could be the plumber who doesn’t come on the agreed day, the technician who ‘repaired’ a tv set, only to have the same issue the next day, a coworker who keeps yelling when I’m trying to work and even after asking him not to be loud, blatantly ignores me or coworkers who importunate me with stupid questions about my weekend.
A strategy I’m going to use now at the workplace is to ignore every non related job question from these people and only answer when they ask something job related. As for the plumber, the hate usually subsides after 2 days, but I’d like to be more resilient, not to jump to anger and hate so easily.
It’s like I’m emotionally very easy to trigger.
I don’t know if you agree with this sentence: A person who yells does it because he doesn’t have power to modify a situation to his advantage, because he is powerless.
This is how I feel sometimes.
In my experience you’re describing loneliness and perhaps depression. These are not easy things to overcome, but they are universal.
Our society is well equipped to deal with broken bones, much less than its ability to mend hearts and minds.
Walking and sunlight are relatively easy circuit breakers, talking might be a little harder to find, but asking here is a good start.
If you have the financial means or employer support, it can be extremely helpful to speak with a psychologist, but just like plumbers, there are bad ones, good ones and great ones, so don’t hesitate to try a few different people on for size.
Reacting in anger gets easier the more you do it, the same is true for reacting with grace, but you have to practise to get better at it. Take an extra breath before opening your mouth is one way to get started.
Finally, find fun, watch a flashmob or a funny song on YouTube, dance, be silly. It’s hard to be angry whilst you’re smiling.
Good luck.