So I landed a really nice job with a really cool company and they plan on hiring me this March, but before they can do that I need to pass a drug test. My manager personally doesn’t care whether or not I smoke weed but I live in a state where weed is illegal, and the company does care and would bar me from hiring if I were to fail a drug test.
I was stupid and smoked a fuck ton of weed last Sunday (before I knew that A; I need to take a drug test in the first place, and B; that weed can remain present in urine for up to (and possibly over) 30 days in frequent smokers (which I am)). This would originally have been fine if it weren’t for the fact that after agreeing to the background check, I would be scheduled for a drug test by the 13th (within 4 days). So my original plan to just drink a shit ton of water to flush myself out within a month wouldn’t work.
I also had a plan to sneak in a jar of my sober friend’s pee but then I learned that you’re actually required to pee in front of the observer so that plan wouldn’t work either.
So basically I’m fucked and I don’t know what to do :( My future pretty much depends on this job and I don’t know what I would do if I were to fuck this opportunity up. What do I do?
Also, idk how relevant this is but I’m 5’9" (~175 cm), 160 lbs (~72.6 kg), AMAB, and very infrequently exercise. I also have POTS so I sweat frequently and have poor water retention.
Can you claim ilness and postpone the test? That could buy more time to try and remove it from your system.
Like I’m sure you read, the issue with cannabis is that the compounds are stored in fat cells which results in slow removal from the body.
Given your urgency and importance my suggestion would be to the following:
1 - claim ilness to postpone the test 2 - go on a bodybuilder cut (high protein, low fats and carbs diet, on a caloric deficit) 3 - exercise everyday (go for long walks, running, gym, etc)
This in theory would reduce your fat content and would make it more likely to pass the test. Plus, with the caloric deficit and exercise you would probably look exhausted when taking the test, corroborating your ilness claim.
Take this with a grain of salt since it’s just theorycrafting.
Good luck and fuck cannabis testing laws!