"I was sure my new bustle would make my butt look bigger than Amelia’s, but she showed up to the first ball this season with the biggest lobster tail I’ve ever seen! Her train was a solid three feet behind her, and all the men in the room were staring!

Probably they just wanted to see her bump into something (she hit a gentleman’s knee once, but I think that was on purpose, may she rot in Hell), but still. I had to sit out half the dances, and it was the most humiliating experience of my life."

At least next year we’ll have the Bell riots!

*February